Healing Journey

writing, journal

My Ship Comes Home

I’d been searching all my life,
Never knowing why,
Seeking answers without questions,
Afraid to live, afraid to die.

I looked worldwide, tried meditation,
Fueling my desire,
In books, in mind, found fascination,
Thinking I was climbing higher.

Sports and pleasures, men to love,
Yearning after each new goal,
Ecstatic highs to float above
Never soothed my restless soul.

In all the work I’ve tried and done,
My eyes were on my dreams,
Despite the praise, success and fun,
What’s real was never what it seemed.

For many years I stayed asleep,
Dreaming through my life,
Living others’ plans for me,
A daughter, lawyer, mother, wife.

On waking one day from my slumber
I found a wasteland all around.
So hard to crawl back out from under,
I began a journey homeward bound.

I lacked a ship to start my voyage.
No sails courageous or iron mast.
No map to chart my course unknown.
No rudder strong in trust steadfast.

Tidal waves would lie ahead
Of pain and grief and fear unseen,
My past arising from the dead,
The nightmare that was once the dream.

I looked for signs, but saw only darkness.
I had no compass for direction.
I’d sail, and drift, and sink again,
But winds of love were my protection.

I rode the waves, my boat capsizing,
Through a never ending stormy night.
Then gradually a dawn was rising,
Happiness was in my sight.

I found a love within my heart
And peace I’d never known.
After searching everywhere,
I learned my “Self” was always home.

© Darlene Lancer 2003

         The Waters

hands cupping water

I thought the ocean too cold to swim.
But dip my hand slowly in.
Surprised to find the sun had warmed the Winter water.

How often do I hesitate,
Believing it’s too cold,
forgetting I can drop into
The warm, lush depths
That vitalize my soul?

© Darlene Lancer 2003

On Being Strong

puma mountain lion

It’s not the fight that sets things right.
It’s not the bold expression.
It’s the steady eye and gentle words
That follow firm intention.

I always envied eloquence –
Audacious words that squared the score.
But in my years, I have learned
Calm confidence does far more.

Strength and courage were my ambition,
Yet models I had few.
Might and nerve must be earned
By what we daily do.

©Darlene Lancer 2002, 2020

   Turnaround

Where are you going?
Where have you been?
Looking ever outward,
Looking deep within.
Leaving yourself behind.

Hoping for the future,
Digging in the past,
Seeking truth and explanations,
Finding answers do not last.

Now and then you stop to rest,
With worry and despair,
Asking others who know best,
Wanting lovers who can care.
Leaving yourself behind.

Imploring God for help divine
For guidance to be clear,
Your reasoning and thinking
So loud you cannot hear.
Holding on too tight
To listen and to know,
No room enough to breathe,
Nor time left to let go.

Neglected needs and buried dreams
Blanketed by shame.
Truth sacrificed for love,
Still failed to curb the pain.

Working so hard,
Your ego on stage,
Directing the show
With pride fueled by rage.

Where were you floundering?
Believing you were strong,
Denying you are powerless,
Afraid of being wrong.
Leaving yourself behind.

When did you turn left,
Instead of turning right?
A long, long time ago,
You faded out of sight.
Leaving yourself behind.

Searching for the path,
That fateful intersection,
Forgetting who you are,
Losing your direction.

Up and down the road again
Attempting to reclaim,
Trying to remember when
You silently forgot your name.

You danced a tune for others’ eyes
And sang for others’ ears,
Slowly donning each new guise,
Your own voice waning through the years.
Leaving yourself behind.

Turnaround my love and look at me,
The answers you will find,
In the present you will see
The one you left behind.

Turn inward love, and listen,
Your own voice faint you’ll hear,
The only one you longed to love
Was always waiting near.

©Darlene Lancer 2007, 2018

          Surrender


 

 

 

 

 
 
 
 
 
 

Surrender is nothing one can do.
It’s an absence I can’t create.
It’s what I must remove:
All that I want,
All that I understand,
All that I believe I am,
All that I hope for.
Then I surrender,
Not by choice, not easily.
If I abandon everything to find God,
That desire is still something.
I haven’t let go.

In stillness, I surrender,
In the full and empty mind
That fills the heart with peace
From each moment to the next
Abiding presence is all there is.
Surrender creeps in unnoticed.
“Ah ha,” I say,
and surrender flies away.

© Darlene Lancer 2004, 2021

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